Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
