dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
