so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
