i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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