At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
