our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
