I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
