He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
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