Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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