Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
