My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
