sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
