I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
