I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I have a pirate flag
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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