I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
