I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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