I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Someone signed my nipple.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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