I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
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you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
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most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.