In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
