Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina