This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
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I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
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If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah