you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
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Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
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Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.