do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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