At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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