dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
