possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
My vagina just clenched in fear
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
