considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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