We got so high we made milksteak
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
