Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
