he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
he shaved USA in his pubs
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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