I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
