Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
