you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
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It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
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I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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