i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
