Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
