If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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