I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
