mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
