my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
