Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
