Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
