I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Randomize
