Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
