is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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