How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
