It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize