Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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