He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
