Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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