but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
