He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
