we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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