I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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