I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
