the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I cut my penus on the lid.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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