Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
