Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I hate all girls vehemently.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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