Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize