I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Non-Jews are for practice
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
