And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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