His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
