1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
