How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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