ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I FOUND THE LEGS
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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