look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
