when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
