It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
