Have you finally orgasmed yet?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
