Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
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I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
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Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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