Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
