that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
How does one acquire holy water?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
