Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
