I wish they made helmets for livers.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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